omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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