apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
