i came on her dog
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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