I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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