Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
