Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
