make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
