pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
