i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
