She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
