come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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