Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
