I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
