there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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