Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
