mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
