Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize