i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
