When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
