Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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