dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
