About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
