y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
