this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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