i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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