I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didn't notice because vodka
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
