I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
