If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
