Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
