I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
