I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
