he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize