So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize