just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
