:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
