Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
