That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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