I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
