I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
