Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
