dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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