just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize