I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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