I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize