no, he came in my armpit
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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