hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
