I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
