You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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