My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
