mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
