If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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