So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
