well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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