My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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