Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
