you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
