At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
