you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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