You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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