Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need to align my fucking chakras
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
