yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
