What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
