There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
