i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
