I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
