I hate all girls vehemently.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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