come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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