i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
