At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize