what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
