u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
