i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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