How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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