i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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